I've been thinking a bunch about monogamy and responsible non-monogamy lately. In the past, I felt that some people were monogamous, and some weren't, and the two shouldn't date, but that was about it.

I was wondering why - which was the "natural state" of humans - when it occurred to me that like almost every other behavior, it's probably not *one* thing at all, but many. We probably all have various internal and external, genetic and behavioral factors that combine into a general preference for "one romantic/life partner relationship" or "multiple romantic/life partner relationships". Or "multiple romantic (or sexual) partners, one life partner" or "one sexual partner, multiple life partners".

Which all seems impossibly obvious now, but was really a revelation at the time!

(or maybe moderately incorrect? Now I'm just running myself in circles...)

Today's thought for the day:

It's hard to find a balance between enjoying (+ fully living) the life that happens while you're making other plans, and not settling for things that aren't in the plan.

Usually, I sway toward too much focus on "the other plans", but lately I've been frustrated by the many points at which I've settled for something that wasn't the plan, but seemed OK "for now".


I guess the scenery along the way is more important than the direction the road takes, as long as the road doesn't go somewhere you don't want to end up.



....which proves that I really do need a phone with Internet Everywhere, so that Google can show me where the pretty roads go in the future!

 Sorry to ask questions + then disappear - I got a cold that seems to have taken my brain out. 

I heard about some supply chain analyst positions opening up in Keene today.   Of course, I heard about it because someone I know was interviewing, so I don't even know if they're still open. 

Did I mention that I have no brain at the moment?  

Speaking of which, I was going to say more, but I think the nighttime part of the nighttime meds just kicked in, and I'd like to actually get my teeth brushed before I completely fall asleep. 

 Today my boss got a call from a recruiter looking for any "Industrial Engineers" that he might be able to send his way.  

His question - "What the hell is a "Industrial Engineer"?"  

After consulting Wikipedia (and we were proud, we're trying to get him to realize that the internet is a valuable resource...), we discovered that we could be defined as a *team* of "industrial engineers".  (His title is "Operations Manager", which is closer than our "Analyst" titles)

 Horrible, hopeless mood swings today.  My co-worker is a saint - he noticed me tearing up over something stupid + gently steered the conversation around until he found *something* that *didn't* have the same effect.  And that took a LOT of steering today. 

"In politics, we fight like tigers for freedom, for the right to elect our leaders, for freedom of movement, choice of residence, choice of what work to pursue - control of our lives, in short.  And then we wake up in the morning and go to work, and all those rights disappear. We no longer insist on them.  And so, for most of the day we return to feudalism.  That is what capitalism is - a version of feudalism in which capital replaces land, and business leaders replace kings.  But the hierarchy remains.  And so we still hand over our lives' labor, under duress, to feed rulers who do no real work." - Blue Mars, p143 

OTOH, I *hate* making decisions.  Especially under-informed ones.  And that's what what high-powered business leaders do.   But I also hate dealing with stinky garbage, and somehow I think my director at work is getting paid more than my garbage man... Also, I'm trying to bust out of that theory of work that pay is inversely proportional to how much one enjoys something.  That's not too hard for me.

The tricky one is that pay is NOT directly related to how much you know.  

And here's a question for anyone still reading - I'm trying to find some keywords to search under to find comparable jobs to what I now do - more for salary research than for job hunting, (at THIS moment, anyway..).  Given the following description of my job, what keywords come to mind?  (or, what salary comes to mind....)

Most of my time is spent maintaining product information for about 60,000 items for about 95 buyers across 7-10 departments (depending on how you count..) - sometimes, the buyers give me product information for one item, and I enter into a system that's designed for one-item-at-a-time entry.  Sometimes, I have to pull together a list of items (say, all Hormel items) from one of 5 data warehousing portals and get those (up to thousands...) changed in the front end of the system - which I usually do with macros.   Sometimes, I have to determine what the new data should be, because the buyers don't know.  Sometimes, I have to train the buyers on how to find the right data.   Sometimes, I have to mediate between the warehouse staff and the buyers.   My team is the "data integrity" team, and I'm always working on figuring out how to find + correct inaccurate data in our system. 

Recently, I've gotten super-user status on a secondary tertiary PO platform for the complicated departments (fresh meat, produce), which is mostly just a second platform for maintenance of items + vendors.  (I know very little about the second, but it sometimes falls to me to maintain it anyhow)

I also pull reports (occasionally even sales related..) out of those 5 data warehousing portals for buyers, directors, warehouse personnel... pretty much anyone who needs data and can't figure out how to get to it on their own (the portals vary in user-friendliness - one requires SQL queries, one uses it's own sql-like language, one is an Excel plug-in in which everything is named in a confusing fashion, one is an access database)

Our office is the "go-to" office if any of the folks in the main room have computer problems.  They call us "the bat cave" or "the IT folks".  We aren't IT, but if you can't figure out why you can't see column A, or how to archive your email (or see your archived email...) we can probably fix it for you.  And we speak "IT", so if you can't understand what they're saying to you, we might be able to translate. 


So.. what would you call that?  I don't think I'm in "database administration".  I certainly do much more than "data entry" or "assistant" - especially since "assistants" are department specific, and I'm responsible *all* the perishable departments.  Certainly other companies must have people who do what I do, right?  

oh, and if you've read this far, you deserve a funny bit - so, right now there are three job postings on the wall at work - all are for "Reefer technician".  Yup, the situation is so bad down there that they need THREE guys to roll joints ;) 

 The past few weeks have been a whirlwind.  I got to go to NYC and take two days worth of workshops from the FCBD ladies - amazing!  They totally explained a few things that I hadn't understood about the style.  So much experiance!  It was amazing. 

I still don't understand *why* people live in a huge city like that, but I think I'm starting to understand *how*.   I think I'd like to live in a city for a month (or maybe a year) sometime to see how it actually plays out.   Also, all the children (as in, 3-6ish) I saw were almost inhumanly well behaved.  Which is good, because they're ever so much more mobile in a crowd.  And there was always a crowd.  

So many things are so different . Grocery shopping.  The concept of "property".   Travel time. 

Then on Thursday was The Food Show.  I think this is the last time I'll do it - I kind of got screwed on shifts (12-3 + Dinner(6:30-9:30) then 6am-11am).  Networking was a DISASTER.  My work persona can't network the same way as my hippie persona can, and for several reasons, I got a big FAIL at finding "drinking buddies".   Also, I kept saying the wrong thing to the wrong person.  Like talking about my fertility issues to the girl with SEVERE endo.  

One co-worker said that he thought I'd do well at Whole Foods (where he came from).  This fellow is a political animal, and I'm not sure if it was a compliment or a veiled snark.   It was also difficult to not say "Oh really?  Well, can you pass my resume to the hiring folks?  My career seems to be going nowhere here!"  (N.B. He's fairly new, and was recently promoted mostly because of his politicing.  Got my BP up, considerably.)  Oh well, if I ever interview there, I can drop that he said I'd do well - I'm sure he did well enough that there'd be some name recognition. 

Also, I ended up sleeping in a smoking room.  In addition to there STILL BEING ASHES on the table, the smell was bad enough to kick up my asthma.  

The free food is cool, but I kept making myself feel ill by bolting it because I was *working* for two of three meals.   AND, you really aren't supposed to take the floor samples (they're donated to the CT food bank).  Everyone does, but then says nasty things about the people who did when they get back to work.  I hate that sort of crap. 

 Today was my 32nd birthday.   The last few haven't been anything to write home about, and it's another year without having accomplished some of my goals, so I expected it to.. kind of suck, actually. 

The plan had been to go for sushi + eat it outside (Smith's Gardens are a favorite spot of mine), but the weather was inclement (90s + high humidity), so I'd given up on that. 

Also, yesterday I realized that what I did NOT want to do for my birthday was race home with farmshare veggies that I'd need to find a place to shove in the fridge - which would mean throwing out the veggies that were... past their prime + hadn't gotten used.  I hate that.  So, I needed to turn those veggies into food - but it was still 90, and too hot to cook. 

So, I thought I'd nap + then get up when it was cooler, cook, nap some more then get up + go a head with my day. 

Well, I woke up at 2am after 7 hours of sleep.   And started cooking. 

When Pax got home around 5, I had a corn chowder just about ready for him (great timing, I hadn't expected him home until the afternoon!).  I couldn't eat it (corn + potatoes + black pepper = poison for me!), but it smelled great.  He had a bowl before going to bed + I froze the rest for him to eat some other time.  

Then I made brownies for work + a stirfry for me for uh.. breakfast and lunch.   I also did dishes. 

I did my breakfast dishes before I left for work.  That is somehow the ultimate luxury in my head.   

Work was... work.  It wasn't great, but I'm learning a new system + was able to help a few people out.  And I made everyone happy with brownies (including me! ) My dad sent me an E-card from a museum with a pretty iris picture that I turned into my computer backgroud. 

My brother called + left me a message saying happy birthday!  

Then I went + got more veggies - I think they're mostly things we'll use this week, which is awesome.   And then I went + cut a bouquet for myself from the pick-yr-own flowers they have!  And I chatted with the girl who organizes the flowers + did a bit of weeding while I was at it. 

At home,  all the veggies fit in the fridge!   I checked my email + found tons of birthday wishes from friends, found a gift certificate for sushi on the computer from my boy + then we went for pizza - but the pizza place was closed, so we went to the Noho Brewing company.  The waitress was awesome, so we had a good excuse to tip her well.  By the time we got there, I was *starving*, but it really only made my food taste better :) 

The weather walking around was great - nice warm breezes, but not too hot.  It'll rain tonight or tomorrow + knock some of this humidity out of the air.  

Then we went for ice cream at Mt. Tom (were going to Herrell's, but the line was TOO long..)

And now I'm going to wash my hair + go to sleep. 

And yes, I have a weird idea of a good day - but that day, that day was great :)

I just want there to be a family in my family's future. 

 I kind of failed at dinner, but at least I had green beans (from the farm share!) with my frozen pizza!  

however, I made up for it with the strawbverry-rhubarb-apple-pear crisp.  I was a little worried about the apple-pear part, but I think they worked exactly like I'd hoped - maybe next time I'll cut the sugar down even more.  This was the first time I've ever cooked with rhubarb (yay for the farm share!), so I nervous about that, too.    

And on the topic of fruit crisp, here is an "adequate" haiku:

Oh! To eat raw plum!
Alas, disappointment my lot -
I prefer plum crisp.


(yes - I've now eaten a plum and a nectarine AFTER tree pollen season started and I've been OK!!!  I've also been eating apples + pears all winter, and a bunch of avocados, too.   Maybe I really can defeat the oral allergy syndrome!)

I should be loading the car - off to the Faire for the weekend again - but it's raining :(  

I haven't posted in a while - I'm trying to teach myself to be less wordy, and keep it down to a facebook status update (twitter is beyond me). 

My grandmother has let the surgeon know that she intends to be at her granddaughter's wedding in August, and then she needs to find out what happens when the Mayan calendar ends.   I guess they think she has kidney cancer.   I couldn't quite tell how hopeful the prognosis was - the email was titled "red alert", but it sounds like she'll pull through.   I want her to meet my children - preferably before that Mayan calendar ends... 

My mother did have endometrial cancer, but they found that out after they'd taken it out.  Yay!  She's doing well, for which I am very thankful. 

I'm having fun dancing at the Silver Kingdom Renaissance Festival - even if it's left me completely exhausted.  We'll be there next weekend, too - come see!  In between sets, ask for me at the booth with the 10 foot tall blue + white batik banners in front.  And look for the sets listed as Serenazhar!

We joined a farm share!  So far we've been *pretty* good about it.  I picked up our second week today, and it looks yummy!

Work is generally  boring, frustrating or both.  I think I need my otherwise awesome boss to figure out that yes, he *IS* responsible for helping us find a path through the company.  And no, that *isn't* impossible.  

Which is all the news from Lake Woebegone... 

Not that he didn't have a good long life- I thought I'd heard he was 97 a few years ago, but now I'm hearing that he passed away at 96. Although the Raddings aren't actually my ancestors, it's interesting to me that they settled in Springfield, MA.

In the usual family fashion, they didn't tell me so much as my mother made a comment about re-framing a cross stitch sampler that she'd gotten "in the box back from Uncle Earl".

Perhaps it's irony that my latest anxious obsession is a story that it was.. a bit of a faux pas to tell him, back in... well, the late 90's. I should get over it, I know.

I think I really need to STOP doing solo bellydance performances. I can never get my act together until the last minute, and it stresses me out + is NO FUN. And, I'm pretty sure my performances are not, therefore, nearly as good as they could be. Even aside from the adrenal-fatigue induced "arms full of lead" bullshit.

(OTOH, my new veil is GORGEOUS, and I ADORE the color on me!!!!)

I *am* looking forward to dancing with Moirae at the Silver Kingdom Faire this year - I'm pretty good at committing to rehearsals, except when it's just me, and then, somehow, food or dishes or nursing a panic attack or a bellyache becomes more important. I hate it that life gets in the way of art. It's no fair that I can't just live on pizza and taco bell like every other artist out there!

OK - one more time and then I'm giving up and going to bed!

Planning on goin' to Haven tonight. (took tomorrow off)

how long *could* you wait?

And what would happen, after that?




(Sometimes I amaze myself. I'd better get back to it..)

Went with Miss F to see the Smith Faculty Dance Concert yesterday - the level of sophistication of choreography in the modern pieces blew me away! Much like great music, I couldn't *begin* to understand exactly what they did to evoke such feeling, but they sure were masters at it! I'd love to work with someone like that - I always love working with good choreographers! Alas, as an amateur, I'll probably never have the opportunity. (we do have some good ones.. but MAN.. these were AMAZING.)

That migraine showed up about 15 minutes after my last post.. Pax super-sweetly helped me try to kill it last night, but it won't stay dead :(

Went to see Quantum of Solace last night- that movie was SO not made for me. It was almost like they took James Bond + took out 80% of anything I might like. I don't remember Bond flicks being chronically "all the good people die", for example. Not into it.

I also used to think that I shivered through movies because they keep the theaters so damn cold, but I'm sure I wasn't cold and I shivered through most of the movie anyway. I don't get it. At least I didn't end up with a migraine, this time.

Then we went to the diner, and I was SUPER frustrated because they now serve a TON of grilled peanut butter stuff - so I didn't feel safe getting anything from the grill. And I *really* wanted breakfast food... or at least a grilled cheese. I had a few bites of Pax's french toast, and nothing bad happened, but that kind of luck isn't good enough for me, alas.

And apologies to anyone I was super bitchy at.

I didn't go to a bellydance thing tonight that I wanted to, either. Grr.

I'm also super pissy about my latest "diagnosis". It's yet another thing that happens to most people sometimes, but me ALL THE TIME. WTF? I just want "them" to be able to *FIX* something my body has done wrong, for a change.

In good news, yesterday my MIL brought out a mattress that didn't work for them - it's a nearly-new (aka low dust-mite content) "Naturally Bob's" - which is cool. It also came with a black fitted sheet and a BEAUTIFUL lilac and sage bedspread. It's GREAT to sleep on + doesn't seem to hold the cold like the futon mattress did. It is HUGE though - we put it atop the old futon (no boxspring..), and it's a pillowtop so it seems SO HIGH. Also, SO COZY! I feel like an adult, with a real mattress! I'm also hoping that it'll help my back - I hear that sleeping on things that are too firm isn't good for us girls with big hips + smaller waists...

(Meme going around) If you saw ME in a police car, what would you think I'd been arrested for?

I *should* go to haven tonight. We'll see if I *do*...

Apparently, the roofers forgot to cover the roof that they took off at the end of last week - thus, the dripping. We got off light, though - the back hallway of the dance studio downstairs was quite damaged from what I hear.

Otherwise - I was Wild Mood Swing Girl all weekend, but productive!

Now for trying to get to work early (7:30) tomorrow morning... ugh...