(no subject)

It's been awhile since I've been here... not dead, only resting.

Everything is the same.

Except for everything that has changed.

Sometimes it's nice that almost no one reads LJ anymore.

So,I just got an email reply to an email I sent about dancing at a friend's party. I've had a couple of disappointments in dance lately, so I was a bit nervous about it.

Sometimes I know, in a very general, vague way what's in a message, or who's calling on the phone. Like "WTF? I think that's my landlord calling?? But it's not too bad..."

So, I tried the trick with the email. The feeling was Bad. But, when I focused on dance, it was good. I clicked on the link wondering what could be so bad?

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For some considerable time (like, maybe a decade..) I've been contemplating a tattoo - but the design just wasn't quite coming together. Recently I feel like I have a clearer idea of what I'm looking for, but I'm still lost on style... let alone artist.

Sadly, few artists have their portfolios online, and even those that do tend to focus solidly on photographic work, when what I want is a more abstract piece, no fine lines, and only the barest hint of color.

(What do I want? A spider that could be mistaken for a world tree or two crescent moons around a full moon, worked in celtic knotwork, with three pomegrate seeds (or maybe tiny fruits, for clarity) on the abdomen and maybe a recycling symbol hidden on the cephalothroax.)

So.. I guess the only thing to do is start wandering into shops + looking through portfolio books.

This could (still) take awhile.

(why now? Well, it is one thing that I've wanted to do that I CAN work on. For another, I adore tattoo'd mamas - I had given up until post-kid, but hey, why NOT now, right? If I get pregnant first, I can always put it off!)

(no subject)

I've been away from LJ for awhile - I *think* I caught up on most of the important stuff...

Pax has a job!!!!! It's in Boston :( He also got an apartment!!!!

(no subject)

Leo Horoscope for week of February 4, 2010

What will it be, Leo? A time of rampaging ids and slamming doors and lost opportunities? Of strange smells and sweeping views of other people's hells? Or will this be the week you finally slip into the magic sanctuary and track down the secret formula? Will this be the breakthrough moment when you outmaneuver the "dragon" with that non-violent "weapon" you've been saving for when it was absolutely necessary? It really is up to you. Either scenario could unfold. You have to decide which one you prefer, and then set your intention.

(free will astrology)

Yup, that was my day today..... well, maybe minus the strange smells + hells.... although work came close...

Also, so. tired. And it isn't like I didn't get any sleep this week. I took an hour or so nap before dinner, and I think I'm ready for another one.

(no subject)

Weird dreams the past few nights - in both, I was moving. Yesterday, I was moving + had a 2-3 month old son. Today, I was moving into a dorm for school. I dream that I'm moving or going back to school quite a bit.

Bra rant.

So 2009 ended much the way the entire year went - frustrating and out of balance.

Usually, I make an attempt at at least some surface cleaning before the new year. I'd given up this year, but P. and I made a last minute attack at 11:45, and (surprisingly) got the worst of it taken care of.

The top 10 songs of the radio station I listen to were blah - Nico Case in the top 10 + #11. I hate Nico Case. At least the fun Obama song + the gender-bending Uncle song got in.

We didn't kiss at midnight - we're both sick and only 75% sure that we have the same thing.

When I woke up today, I promptly undid all of the kitchen cleaning (er, that he hadn't already) by throwing together bread for the bread machine. I don't much like how it came out, but I'm not sure why.

I'd've woken him up banging around, so I headed to the maul for bra and jeans shopping.

Bra shopping is hell - but I'm down to ONE bra that really fits (a 38D that I've taken in 1.5"-2" on the sides), and I had some hope that I could at least find some cute, cheap bras that I could tailor in much the same way.

No luck.

JC Penney had a great sale going on - but after 45 minutes and 8 or 10 bras, I gave up. I think that an Ambrielle 36DD would almost fit, but they only had ONE, and it was VERY UGLY. The maidenform bras really got me down. They're SO CUTE, and they were the brand that reliably fit back when I first started wearing real bras. But they didn't have any 38Ds in the store - only up to 36D, which is not big enough - by enough that I'm not so sure that the 38Ds would actually work, either.

(Quick bra size primer - the number is the band, and the letter is the cup size. However, the actual volume of a "D" cup changes with the band, thus a 38D has a volume like a 36DD or a 34DDD, except with a bigger band. If I'm buying a 38D, I'm going to have to do some surgery on it to get it to actually fit.)

So.. I went to Fredrick's. Fredrick's uses "F" instead of "DD", AND THEY CARRY THEM IN THE STORE. But in only one style did the 34F actually fit. I bet you didn't know that Fredirck's actually does make Granny Bras, did you? Guess which style fit... I bought two anyway. They were even cute on the rack, but on me... eh. The 36F X-bra (my latest best "off the rack" bra-friend) was too small, even after I took out the inserts. AND it dug into my underarms. Also, the Fredrick's bras have more solid side construction, which makes them a bad candidate for reconstructive surgery.

One thing. MY BOOBS ARE NOT THAT BIG. I mean, they aren't *small*, but they're not HUGE.

And don't we VALUE HUGE BOOBS in America?


(* for less than $60. Because OTHER women get to pay $10-$20.)

(Wait - is this a tax on boob-size? I bet it was created by the Formula people as a tax on breast-feeding!!! (nb - boob size has little to do with milk production.))

Jeans shopping was an even worse disaster. Because I'm not really fitting into the top end of the "normal" sizes, but I'm still somehow too small for "plus" sizes - mostly because they cut the hips nice and big on those, and that's what I need. This may have also been hampered by my indecision regarding the question of whether I was looking for causal day/work jeans, or jeans to look cute in.

I did find cute yoga pants. Unfortunately, this does not automatically lose me the 30lbs that it would take for me to fit into "normal" pants again.

So that's 2010, so far. Now I'm grouchy, and still fighting the dregs of sick. I wanted to go to Salem/Beverly tomorrow for a bellydance show, but there's supposed to be 2"-6" of snow there. 2" is no big deal, but 6"... well, OK, driving for 2+ hours in snow alone when you're still feeling a little less than 100% is probably a bad idea either way. Also, I wanted to go out with friends tonight (either WWII or the after-chill), but I'm too grouchy, with a pervasive undercurrent of "it's all hopeless anyway".

(no subject)

I've been thinking a bunch about monogamy and responsible non-monogamy lately. In the past, I felt that some people were monogamous, and some weren't, and the two shouldn't date, but that was about it.

I was wondering why - which was the "natural state" of humans - when it occurred to me that like almost every other behavior, it's probably not *one* thing at all, but many. We probably all have various internal and external, genetic and behavioral factors that combine into a general preference for "one romantic/life partner relationship" or "multiple romantic/life partner relationships". Or "multiple romantic (or sexual) partners, one life partner" or "one sexual partner, multiple life partners".

Which all seems impossibly obvious now, but was really a revelation at the time!

(or maybe moderately incorrect? Now I'm just running myself in circles...)
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Is the perfect the enemy of the good, or is the good the enemy of the perfect?

Today's thought for the day:

It's hard to find a balance between enjoying (+ fully living) the life that happens while you're making other plans, and not settling for things that aren't in the plan.

Usually, I sway toward too much focus on "the other plans", but lately I've been frustrated by the many points at which I've settled for something that wasn't the plan, but seemed OK "for now".

I guess the scenery along the way is more important than the direction the road takes, as long as the road doesn't go somewhere you don't want to end up.

....which proves that I really do need a phone with Internet Everywhere, so that Google can show me where the pretty roads go in the future!

(no subject)

 Sorry to ask questions + then disappear - I got a cold that seems to have taken my brain out. 

I heard about some supply chain analyst positions opening up in Keene today.   Of course, I heard about it because someone I know was interviewing, so I don't even know if they're still open. 

Did I mention that I have no brain at the moment?  

Speaking of which, I was going to say more, but I think the nighttime part of the nighttime meds just kicked in, and I'd like to actually get my teeth brushed before I completely fall asleep.